Love Is Blind, But Debt Isn’t: Valentine’s Day And the Cost of Compatibility

Love Is Blind, But Debt Isn’t: Valentine’s Day And the Cost of Compatibility

Valentine’s Day spending often exposes hidden debt and money stress in relationships, with experts warning that true compatibility starts with honesty, boundaries, and shared financial planning.

It’s Valentine’s Day, and as South Africans spend big on love, much of that spending is likely happening on credit.

This is according to the Head of National Debt Advisors, Sebastien Alexanderson, who said that while 2026 has started on a seemingly positive note, with the rand hovering around the R16 mark against the dollar for the first time in four years, and inflation easing to between 3.4% and 3.5%, many households remain under pressure.

“Salaries continue to lag behind rising costs such as food, petrol, school fees, and everyday essentials, especially following the Janu-worry scrape-through,” said Alexanderson.

Against this backdrop, access to credit has expanded rapidly. New credit card originations jumped 36.5% year-on-year in 2025, while overall consumption-led credit grew 16.8% in 2024, making credit the gap-filler between stagnant incomes and rising expectations.

TransUnion data also shows that by 2025, South Africa had 7.4 million active credit card accounts, up 3.7% from 2024, with balances still rising as consumers rely more on plastic for everyday and lifestyle expenses.

And yet February brings familiar pressure: spend more, impress harder, prove your love.

Alexanderson says Valentine’s Day is one of the clearest stress tests of financial compatibility.

“February is when financial pressure, emotional expectations, and debt collide,” he says. “While Valentine’s Day doesn’t create money problems, it exposes them.”

This pattern, he said, is reflected in the so-called Valentine’s Effect, where legal entities report a notable increase in divorce filings (estimated at around 40% by some sources) around Valentine’s Day. “Rather than repairing strained relationships, the holiday often brings underlying issues into sharper focus.”

“There’s nothing wrong with celebrating love”, Alexanderson adds. “The problem starts when spending is driven by fear of disappointing a partner or avoiding honest money conversations, leading to serious financial infidelity.”

This tension has also recently entered the public conversation when media personality Nandi Madida highlighted the financial strain on relationships, noting that it contributes to the rise of the sugar daddy culture juxtaposed against the lives of the majority of South Africans who are struggling just to get by, let alone afford extravagant “romantic gestures.”

“When economic survival becomes the primary concern, intimacy is increasingly shaped by financial power rather than emotional connection, reinforcing transactional relationship dynamics in already unequal societies,” Alexanderson observes.

In South Africa, the stakes are even higher now following a recent Constitutional Court ruling confirming that customary marriages are automatically in community of property, meaning debt taken on by one partner can legally affect both as soon as lobola is paid, he said.

For generations, lobola was widely viewed as one of the initial steps toward marriage — similar to an engagement — allowing couples time to complete customary processes, plan a wedding, and later decide on the legal structure of their marriage, including whether to sign an antenuptial contract.

“The Constitutional Court has confirmed that once lobola is concluded, a customary marriage takes effect immediately and is automatically in community of property. Any antenuptial contract signed after that point is legally invalid, even if the couple later enters into a civil marriage. In practical terms, debt such as credit cards,

personal loans, or store accounts can become jointly owed from that moment,” said Alexanderson.

So, what does a healthy financial relationship look like in this climate?

According to Alexanderson, the green flags are simple but powerful:

• Openness about money: Comfortable, honest conversations about finances.
• Respecting boundaries: Honouring limits and avoiding pressure to overspend.
• Honesty about debt: Being truthful about loans and financial commitments.
• Willingness to plan together: Approaching budgets and goals as a team.
• Shared decision-making: Equal say in money matters, regardless of income.

“These are the couples who cope better when things get tough,” he says. “In an economy where every rand counts, real commitment shows up when money isn’t a secret or a weapon, but a shared responsibility.”

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Author: Omega Ngema from Financial Wealth Holdings on behalf of National Debt Advisors.

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